Originally Posted by opalescent
It sounds like you followed your heart to the best of your ability. Kudos to you in a difficult situation. It's hard to walk away from a relationship that worked on many levels but did not satisfy in a critical way.
If you want a mono relationship, then that is what you should keep seeking. For whatever reasons, your ex could not be monogamous with you. It would have been great if you could have worked towards developing a long-term V with your ex but, sometimes, walking away is the ethical, right thing to do.
I would echo Redpepper and River in examining why you had such terrible anxiety. One thing I've learned is that poly relationships will push one's buttons harder and faster than many mono relationships but the buttons themselves are often the same across poly or mono (or both) relationships.
It would be helpful for you to understand what happened - not in an effort to fix yourself or make yourself poly - there's nothing wrong with you! - but because that anxiety might indicate something going on internally. Or it might not - but at least you would know.
So why were you anxious? Were you actually jealous? Or fearful? Was the ambiguity of the relationship driving you a bit crazy? (Ambiguity is one of the things I find hardest to handle.) Was it that you wanted a monogamous relationship with this lovely man and that was just not possible?
I think much of it was around the ambiguity issue - but there were other things as well, which I hope I clarified a bit in my second posting. I also may not yet be ready for what this/he was offering at this time emotionally. I've always been mono - though that doesn't mean it couldn't work out otherwise.. this was just my first entree into the concept. I was also 'his boy' and he wanted to be 'my Sir' which is a whole other new thing for me. I was VERY MUCH his fantasy and in many ways he was mine. That upped the intensity quite a bit(!) I think. New new new new... ALL THE WAY ROUND. Even Mr. G admitted that he's a lot to handle - he has a very dominating presence/personality and knows it. That's a lot to adjust to for a new relationship. I'm very loving/sweet, but also very sensitive. Security in new situations can take time with me. I think things went a bit too fast/intensely for me emotionally and I didn't know how to gauge it properly.
Believe me - I've been considering what exactly the source of the anxiety was - as I'd really like to know.