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Old 07-09-2011, 02:23 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 478

What we've found is that poly is definitely an emotional roller coaster. Just remembering that makes it a little easier. The lows are REALLY low, but the highs are great. And many times we get to the freak-out point of "stop the ride, I want to get off!" But that's why we opened our marriage in the first place -- neither of us wanted to quit the marriage. We wanted that ride to continue.

We opened our marriage back in October 2010 and it has definitely gotten more manageable. The lows aren't quite as scary as they were at first.

My emotional relationship with Butch (my bf) is what shakes Sundance up too -- more so than the physical. (In fact, the physical was pretty erotic for him at the beginning. He used to help me pick out my outfits for my trysts and would get off on the details afterwards. Which was hott!) I guess it has worked out well that Butch is very respectful of our marriage and does not want to hijack it in any way. It may be a bit selfish of him, to focus on the sex with me and steer clear of the everyday emotional life-challenging things with me, but I realize again that it is a form of deep respect to leave the emotional support to my husband. Also to keep his own issues to himself, so I don't feel the urge to fulfill any rescuer fantasies I have! That's not to say we aren't friends and we enjoy talking about our lives, but I don't run to him with my emotions. We try to keep it light and fun as much as we can. Most of our sex is had with grins on our faces and the feeling like being kids in a candy store. Lovely, actually, to have no strings attached.

But all this reserve and restraint has been a work in progress, and the NRE was pretty intense at the beginning. As a woman I have been programmed to be a good girl, to be monogamous and to believe that sex is not allowed unless it accompanies undying love and hopeless devotion. I have found some real empowerment in behaving in a way that is more definitive of a man. Sundance teases me and says now that I have two sets of balls, I think I'm really something!

It's still an adventure and a bit of an experiment, maybe, but so much good has come out of our poly life that I can't say I have regrets. Sometimes I do regret that I let myself fall in love with another man in the first place, because that's where our journey started. But this has been, for us, a way to let that love run its course without causing destruction to the love I already had with my husband. I never thought it was possible to do it this way. But poly is all about possibilities -- and I'm sure you are discovering that for yourself!

Don't you find that, coming from a religious family, poly is another way of freeing yourself from the restraints of conventional society? I have enjoyed the "what if?" journey, very much. Who says it has to be a certain way? I love questioning things. I'm a bit of a late bloomer in that regard. Tried to stay on the straight and narrow path, even all through college, because to question the institutions was very scary to me. Now I am finding it exhilarating! And my family has not been nearly as freaked out as I thought they would be.

Geez, sorry to have gone on and on! Welcome!
Formerly married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy
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