Originally Posted by LikeYouImagined
I have found myself grieving for the relationship we used to have, over the past year. I do not feel the specialness or sense of partnership that I had before my partner started dating this other girl- even they they haven't seen each other physically since.
Our cultural monogamy training told us, and tells us, that specialness equals exclusivity. So when the exclusivity goes we can feel like the specialness of a relationship is gone. But that certainly need not be the case! I can have two (maybe more, but two is plenty!) intensely special loverly relationships going at the same time. (I sorta do, but it's complicated because one of my dear ones lives more than a thousand miles away and we haven't yet gotten together in physical space.) Neither of my loves is less special to me than either would be if it were just the two of us.
Think of it in terms of friends, or family. Does a healthy, happy mother treat one of her children as more special than the other/s? No. Each child is unique and equally special. And friends..., and I mean the kind that you really love, aren't they all very special? Do they need to be ranked in specialness to be precious?