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Old 10-15-2009, 09:03 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vegas, Baby!
Posts: 348

Jesus H. Christ on a crutch and his Mother Mary - what was all that about?!?!

Ceoli and others - thank you for saving me some typing.

To the OP (wh's name does not come easily to mind and I do't want to page back for it, lol) - welcome, and I hope you hang around a while and learn that those responses are not typical here.

Polyamory - two roots (from different languages, lol) meaning "many loves". So there's no debate about what the WORD means.

There seems to be an issue with 1. - HOW it's used, and 2. - the definition of love (as mentioned by anothe rmember previously).

Re 1 - people in this community tend to be defensive of the use of the term we've adopted, because manyof us who are not into the common definition of "open relationship" or "swinging" are tired of people assuming that's what we're about. Again, pointed out by a previous post. IMNSHO, that doesn't mean the application of the term is wrong when applied to those lifestyles as well, because 2 is a valid issue as well.

2 - People think differently about love, and about relationships. If two people get very close over the course of a one-night stand and it's not just a "fuck and chuck", is that not just a really short-term relationship? How about a long-term relationship that has almost no feeling in it, and is about exclusive fucking? Is that really a relationship, or an extended one night stand? And so on.

And that's where the OP is CORRECT in telling Ygirl that they agree - sorry Ygirl, I love ya', but he's got you there, lol.

There is no common definition; the Wiki or Webster (if it ever makes in there, lol) definition is loose and includes what many of teh more "possesive" (of the term I mean) members here would call innaccurate inclusions - yet jumping up someone's ass and saying they're innaccurate BECASUE YOU FEEL IT IS SO does NOT make that true!

I propose a new term for our community - polymonogamous, lol. We throw around "polyfidelitous" - which hasn't been mentioned here, oddly enough, since the people "defending" polyamorus are using the "definition" of PF to decry the supposed misuse of PA.

This is fun, lol.

On topic though - OP, there re a lot of good recommendations and some good advice in all that mess. There e two likely reasons for her state of mind - one being she is really uncomfortable with what happened because to some extent she didn't like it, etc - the other is that she is uncomfortable with it because she DID like it, and hasn't wrpped her head around the fact that she finds herself feeling differently than she thought (you already covered this yourself, really).

Ask her to talk about her feelings on what happened, and bring up exactly what I wrote above - you want to know if her discomfort is one or the other, and if it's the second, you want to help her understand what is a very confusing thing for her.

est of luck, and again - welcome! I for one really hope you stick around!
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