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Old 07-08-2011, 09:11 AM
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Kommander Kommander is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Detroit
Posts: 112
Default How does polyamory work for you?

I am what I have begun describing as "fully polyamorous," there's probably a better term for it, which I will start using once I am made aware of what it is. Essentially, it means that I believe in placing as few restrictions as possible on the formation and development of relationships. While I realize true equality in multiple relationships is difficult, I do my best. I try to avoid using terms like "primary" and "secondary" (which, apparently, I'm not good at), and rather think or relationships as "different." If a partner of mine and I fall into the roles of a "primary," "secondary," or "just friends" arrangement; it is because of the natural development of the relationship, not because of a conscious decision, at least not on my part.

I also don't believe in "romantic love," as it were. "Romance" carries with it expectations and unrealistic ideals that I want no part of. I prefer to see relationships for what they are, not what I would like them to be. Relationships can feel romantic, but I do my best to not let it cloud my judgement. If I did believe in romance, I would probably be mono. So yeah, disillusionment with monogamy is a big part of what got me to this point.

While I've stated I like to keep the restrictions to a minimum, A few are necessary:

Protection must be used. This is just a good idea all-around.

Everything is open for discussion. Even the difficult subjects. Especially the difficult subjects. It doesn't work otherwise.

I am willing to change, but I change for one person and one person alone: myself. If I do something a partner doesn't like, it can be discussed. However, don't make demands.

Anyone I date is my equal. I don't control them, and they don't control me. Despite how things may turn out, everyone is also equal in my eyes. I'm not willing to give one partner priority over others or a higher status. Whoever comes first is the one that needs it most at the time.

Who my partners associate with and what they do is really none of my business. Unless it affects me directly, I don't really need to know. I'd prefer if my partners feel the same. Everyone is entitled to some privacy. I'd like to know, but only if one is willing to share. If another relationship is going to be an ongoing thing, I'd like to meet them at some point, but I can understand if others feel awkward about it, and I'm willing to wait until they're ready.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 07-08-2011 at 12:17 PM. Reason: user request pending merged thread
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