As "The five love languages" has been brought up... could someone go and get a link? a reference would be appropriate no?
I would suggest looking at some of the threads here with the tag "lessons" and "foundations" to see if that helps. Maybe share with your wife and gf also. It sounds like some boundaries need to be laid out by all three of you about time spent and what you mean to one another.
Unfortunately there isn't really a lot you can do about your wife's apprehension except wait and keep showing you love her. She will go through her own process with everything and its important to listen and reassure every step of the way without compromising what you need and want in your own life.
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