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Old 07-08-2011, 05:20 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by zenchaos View Post
The last two times, they started getting physical in front of me, which was kind of a surprise...... I admitted later that it felt awkward since I didn't expect that but figured that I could get used to it as long as I knew it was going to happen. The second time they did that was less awkward but still awkward nonetheless. I try to laugh it off, make conversation, or look somewhere else but I feel like I'm bad at hiding my discomfort. He asked me again if I was okay with what happened and I said I was.
Originally Posted by zenchaos View Post
I think there's also something special about mono relationships, knowing you're only one who can make someone feel a certain way. I know he'd listen if I told him how I felt but I don't know how to tell him because I don't see what he could do about it. I don't like the idea (or the sight) of him being intimate with another woman, but even more, I don't like the idea of him having to give something up because of me, such as publicly showing affection towards her.
Originally Posted by zenchaos View Post
I think that sticking with one person shows you're willing to go the extra mile to commit, and accept what they have to offer, good and bad.
I think that being honest at any cost is VERY important... even if you notice that others are doing better with things that you. Even if you feel bad that you wish he would not show her affection. It is SO important not to suck up what you are feeling because others are doing something different or you think you should be different and more accepting.

You bring up some good points about monogamy that are very valid to you. You don't HAVE to follow what others think about feel about poly or anything else if you really are finding that it is affecting you deeply. I would suggest that you are not feeling jealousy so much as this is going against your value system. So TALK about it... let him know that. There is no reason that he should pay her attention and show her affection in front of you. It isn't necessary. I don't show Mono much affection in front of PN and we live together! That is a boundary that has been expressed and I respect it. I don't need to, I can show him affection when we are alone or at other times...

Be careful here. These little things can build in a relationship to HUGE resentment in no time and it doesn't have to be like that. They can be nipped in the bud right away and everyone can feel comfortable. I think I would ask him not to do that any more. At least for now. Then you can tell him when you are okay with it or that you would prefer he not ever touch her in front of you. Whatever you decide. Open and honest communication is key here I think. Being honest with yourself seems to be easy for you with this one... next step. Tell him what you have told us and get about setting some boundaries...

Question: does he show you affection in front of her?
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