Thread: A blog thing
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Old 07-08-2011, 04:29 AM
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Feedhercandy Feedhercandy is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 29
Default Secondary integration troubles

i'm feeling down. well, actually lonely which always brings me down. but that's not really the major point of this post. i think i'm having secondary integration troubles, and since you lovely, clearly brilliant and compassionate folks helped me out of the last secondary rut, i'm throwing this to you (last thread can be found here).

i just had, what i would consider, an unpleasant conversation with my secondary. hmmm. he needs a nickname. let's go with "the boy". so the boy and i have been wanting to spend more time together. i feel like i've worked quite hard to integrate him into my primary life. but both he and my hubby are not of the super social type, so making them bond hasn't been easy (though they do seem to like one another, and enjoy each other's company when it happens).

so, i recognize that the majority of the relationship management between us three falls on me. but does all of it have to? ok. back to the unpleasant conversation. he wanted me to come over and i wasn't up for it. he said we needed to "work on that time sharing deal" with me spending a couple nights a week at his place. i said that maybe that's something he could talk to my hubby about tomorrow (i invited him over for a beer bonding evening). and his response: "why me?" now, coooomoooooon. seriously!?

now the sleep over thing isn't really the issue right now. i know his comment was more a joke than anything (we have a two-year-old and being out of the house regularly over night isn't possible right now). what bothers me is his response. this is an easy relationship. i make near to none demands and have little expectations. would it hurt to put a little effort to have some serious discussions with the husband once in a while? work on developing a friendship of some kind that creates room for such conversation? i know my husband is game, but he is also incapable / unwilling to put in any management effort. bah, i say, bah!
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