Originally Posted by neonshadow
She went on to explain how gender is negligible, .
Of course it is to her, that works in her favour and enables her to have more freedom. That doesn't make it your reality though. Even experienced poly people have issues around gender so don't sweat that too much.
Here is the main issue I have with how she wants things..she wants things on her terms without compromise. That is selfish in my opinion.
You found a way to cope with her being with a male partner by giving her space and withdrawing a bit. That is the compromise
. She then degrades you for giving her the space to do something you're not comfortable with?? WTF.
There's no reason to quit immediately on the relationship but you need to sit down with her and tell her what you
need. What she
needs is pretty clear..freedom to see who ever she wants and not have you withdaw when she is with another partner. Tall order to ask someone who only wants her. She needs to realize life is not about getting everything you want...that's a toddler's reality and mindset, not an adult's.
Don't give up too soon...talk and compromise might enable you to enjoy each other for a much longer time. Of course if you are not healthy and truly do not want to share a partner with someone else then bail ASAP and find a person who expresses love in the same way you do.