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Old 07-07-2011, 06:36 PM
neonshadow neonshadow is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 5
Default New to this, what do?

Where to start;

I am a 23 yr old, straight, graduate student with huge artistic ambitions and a plethora of hobbies and interests. Recently I have met a girl with whom I am extremely happy. I feel so incredibly attracted to this girl physically, emotionally and intellectually. The first time we met, she informed me that she was poly, and I (not entirely understanding the gravity of the statement) didn't really have a problem with it. I have never personally identified myself as such and I think that is where the issues are starting to arise.

Over the course of our relationship, she has introduced me to one of her female partners. It makes me feel strange sharing time with them together, but it seemed like such a normalcy for her I pretty much ignored it and submerged my awkwardness toward the situation. Then she started sharing pictures of the two of them (some slightly sexual in nature), compounding the awkwardness.

Recently she informed me that she would be spending some time with one of her male partners (after hiding it from me in fear of making me upset). After finding this out, I decide to keep my communication with her to a minimum. I figured if she was with someone else, I wouldn't want to be a bother. This upset her greatly. The next day I received a page long text degrading me for neglecting her that day and being irrationally upset. I guess I was confused because I felt like if I talked to her while she was with him, then the inverse would occur when we are together. That thought stirred feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and even worthlessness for me.

She went on to explain how gender is negligible, and I shouldn't feel jealous, and how I'll get used to it, etc.. But this all sounded kind of selfish to me. Selfish in that, I never once asked her to not be poly and yet here she was telling me to be. Again, these problems seem to stem from my inexperience in the matters of both types of relationships.

It would seem that my feelings of awkwardness and jealousy would indicate that this sort of relationship is not for me, but does that mean that I have to give up and say good bye to a relationship with the first girl that I have ever really been in love with? Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.
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