Wow we're in basically identical situations.
I'm also so confused as to what to do and how to not hurt anyone. I know a lot of bi girls go through "phases" if you will of being more attracted to girls or guys but I'm having trouble figuring out how to get past this if it is just a phase and keep my boyfriend from being unhappy or leaving me. I love him, he's the person I trust more than anyone, he means so much to me and makes me feel so secure. He has never had as high of a sex drive as me though.
Throughout the first few yrs we've been together I would try to initiate sex very often but he couldn't get into it as much or often and it kind of made me feel rejected so I got discouraged. We had some ups in our sex life when we brought other girls in with us and that made us both more excited. Things didn't work out too well with a girl we were both dating so I gave up on that and happened to meet the girl of my dreams shortly after that ended. She is a lesbian so she's not someone we're dating together.
We hit it off phenomenally in bed
the kind of sex I've always dreamed of... It felt like a light turned on in my head and something clicked since I've met her and nothing feels more right than being with a woman not just sexually but emotionally and romantically. The passion I have with her is like nothing I've ever felt before and she just drives me wild.
It's sooo lovely but also sad on the other hand. I'm so confused about how to feel. Being so utterly satisfied with her has made me sad and resent the fact that I've never had this kind of passion with my bf. He is my rock, he understands me, he's one of the smartest people I know and most influential people in my life. He's taught me so much and I love who he is. I love what he's about, I love his family, his way of thinking, and we've always made a great team. But.... I am just not interested in him sexually anymore.
I try to make an effort and get it on. I try to do what I know makes him feel good and I try to show him what I like but it feels awkward and upsetting. I love him to death but the thought of being with a man just isn't doing it for me. I'm going to keep trying but also keeping the door open for him to be with other women if I can't give him everything he needs. I guess we'll just have to see where this goes and see if my feelings change. Sorry for the novel just thought you may be able to relate.