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Old 07-07-2011, 05:31 PM
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vixtresses vixtresses is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 108

Well hello again. I started typing a long reply to each of you, but never finished it.

I think I'm still feeling a little clobbered about the head as far as this whole condoms issue. I get it, though, I do. It's just not something I'd ever put a whole lot of thought into, since I've only been in two long term relationships and fully expected both of those to be life-long, monogamous ones.

Romeo and I are doing well, I think. I'm continuing to urge him to share his feelings with me, good or bad, whether or not he thinks they'll hurt me. He has this tendency (well, I guess we both have the same tendency) to avoid saying anything that might hurt my feelings, to the point that he'll cover up his own feelings. My therapist pointed out that we both are very protective of one another's feelings, and that Romeo has a very non-confrontational personality, while I'm much more assertive, so what tends to happen is that Romeo will say something very vague and maybe metaphorical, and when I swoop in with very direct, pointed questions to clarify, he backs down, feeling attacked. It's something we both need to work on, but I think we're getting better.

He was able to tell me the other day that he was thinking about moving out, but when we discussed it further, it turned out that he really just wanted to feel like he had the freedom to pursue more spur-of-the-moment, possibly more casual sexual encounters, and he felt like with our current arrangement, that wasn't possible. The outcome of the discussion was a realization that we have two different goals in this poly thing. He wants to be able to flirt with a girl at a bar and see where it goes from there, while I want something more long term.

I think we can work with that, though. If what he needs is a more casual exploration, I'm OK with that. He ended up saying he doesn't want to move out after all. He definitely doesn't want to move into his parents house, and he really can't afford to live on his own unless he were to maybe rent a bedroom in somebody's house. We've got a pretty solid system going financially between the two of us, so we're going to leave that going as is for the time being.

So, as far as Knight. I was actually getting a little concerned recently that he was starting to pull away. He wasn't returning my text messages as quickly or as often as he used to, and I felt like I was initiating contact more often than not and more often than before. Turns out there were a couple of factors going into that. First, he wasn't feeling well. He's been fighting a cold or something, and now he's got a stomach bug of some kind, so he's been trying to rest and recover and stuff. Second, he's been thinking that... what was it he said? I can't remember the exact words, but basically, he said that he felt like the sexual aspect of our relationship was adding a certain pressure that he didn't want, and that he really just needed affection more than sex anyway. I was a little worried that was "guy code" or something for "you suck in bed", but he assures me that isn't the case.

So... what else? Oh, our test results came back. All clear. Big relief. If/when Knight and I go back to having sex, though, it'll be with condoms. Romeo and I have been using condoms since the day Knight and I didn't use one, but we might go back to not using them now that the results are in. It's up to Romeo, since it's mainly for his protection at this point, since I'm the only one who has an additional relationship. He's already getting antsy about using them, though, so I'm anticipating that he'll decide to quit using them soon.

Have I left anything out? It's been over a week since I last posted, and it feels like it's been so long. Thank you again, nycindie, opalescent, SNeacail, and minxxa for all the helpful input, advice, support and tough love. I really appreciate it.
Vix for short.
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