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Old 07-07-2011, 04:31 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Hmmmm, sooo, should I start a new blog with a different title now that I'm in a primary relationship? Maybe at some point.

Things have been going well with Davis. We've been spending a lot of nights at each other's houses, and I sleep better when he's with me. We aren't doing a lot of processing right now, just living our lives. I can't say that I'm absolutely positive we're going to make it work, but who can ever be positive about that? I don't know if I'll end up talking about him too much here as long as things are going smoothly... since the relationship is so straight forward, there's not much that I feel like I need to explore on a poly blog. I suppose that will probably change if/when we open things up more.

Harry and I have stayed in touch -- he's started casually seeing a new girl, I'm happy for him. He's going to come over for a game night at my house soon.

Aaaaaaaand, I have some amazing news to share with you all.

Gia and Eric had their baby last night, and both mother and child are healthy. It's a boy -- I've decided to call him Bee in this blog. I visited them for the first time this evening.

During my visit I shared food I had made with them, watched Bee while they showered, and just generally sat with them, talked, and helped out in little ways while they fed him, rocked him, and changed him. He's perfect, of course. His skin is so soft, and he's very alert.

Both Gia and Eric are exhausted, naturally. They've been sleeping in snatches of an hour or two since she first went into labor two days ago. Gia had some issues with tearing (very common, from what I understand) and is confined to strict bed rest for one week, and semi-strict bed rest for another two weeks after that, which will be really rough for her. Still, she's coping well and she has Eric there 24/7 to help her as well as various other friends and family members coming in and out to provide meals.

It felt wonderful to take care of the two of them while they focused on taking care of Bee. I could tell that they were both very grateful, especially Eric... he seemed almost a little surprised at all the food I'd brought them and all the stuff I was doing, though certainly not in a bad way. I think he's just had less cause to see my nurturing side than Gia has... and he's also less used to needing support than she is. He's normally such a stoic, independent type of guy, and now every little gesture is signficant to him because he could really use the help.

I've been becoming more and more comfortable with randomly showing Eric physical affection. Even though we had been lovers, there was a time when I felt sort of awkward doing little things like giving him a hug or nuzzle. I think it was because I felt so keenly the knowledge that I wanted him in a different/greater way than he wanted me. Lately, though, that reticence has been melting away. Tonight, during my visit, I communicated with him through touch (that's how I think of it) several times, laying on him, hugging him, kissing him on the temple, that sort of thing.

But what about communicating with him through words? I seriously thought about it tonight. I thought about saying "I love all three of you so much" or something like that when we were caring for Bee, but I didn't. Later I was in the kitchen getting ready to go and he was in the next room, checking something on the computer. I stood there for a minute, thinking about going in there and telling him how I felt. But then he found what he needed and went back to their room to sleep.

I feel like it's going to have to come soon, now. It's getting to the point that it's really bothering me to be holding it back. Hell, I started this blog more than six months ago and it was one of the first things I brought up then. I'm just so scared of how he'll react, I don't want to mess things up. It seems safer to show him than to tell him. But I've GOT to be brave about this, for my own sake, sooner or later.
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