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Old 07-06-2011, 09:29 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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DH, the scenario you posted doesn't really look like a conversation to me, where two people are simply and honestly expressing themselves, hearing each other, and connecting. It just looks like someone being steamrolled. And your last sentences (in your first post of this thread) take a jab at poly in general, as if anyone who has chosen poly for themselves has done so out of boredom or some trivial reason. You have discussed your situation in the past, although we have not seen an update, and it is easy to see that you are still bitter and angry about it. Calling it a Restless Heart is very poetic but does not disguise your pain. Now, anyone who read your story before knows that polyamory is not the source of the problems in your marriage. Have you and your wife sought help to rectify and heal the deeper issues? I don't mean the BDSM stuff; I mean what was at the heart of her dishonesty and sneakiness, how you were affected, and other issues. I know you were focused on your daughter (and rightly so) but the tone of your original post would indicate that the hurt and damage is still deeply felt by you, so perhaps it is time to shift the focus a bit and heal your marriage, and the woundedness you both feel. I feel for you... where are you in that process?
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-07-2011 at 04:26 AM.
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