The context of these thoughts is the weekend. Sward decided that it would be time to take Lin and my relationship to the actual level we wish for it to reach. He can't come to any further conclusions in a situation like it is now. Meaning Lin and me miles apart, just talking and longing for each other but no actual development. He says that he needs to experience the next step to know how to handle it.
Unnecessary to mention that I am nervous as hell. Like the first time I am going to stay with Lin for 4 days, from Friday till Tuesday. We agreed to skype at least once a day with Sward who set a date with an old friend of his to talk about the situation on Sunday afternoon. She isn't in the picture yet but he felt that he needs to talk about it once with a third person. A good friend of mine and his has consented to be available as well if he needs emotional support during this time. She was the first one I turned to when I needed an uninvolved point of view.
All I can feel, as Friday moves closer, is confusion, excitement and aplenty of fear. How will Sward react? Will he be able to handle this situation? What if not? We agreed to keep the 4 day visit from the first time. But this is rather long from his point of view. I would really wish for the possibility of a shorter visit on the one hand if I think about Sward.
On the other I know that it will be over in the blink of an eye. Yes, it was the possible maximum for the first time because who knows what we would have ended with if we would have been together just a day longer than that. But this time there are no boundaries, nothing to hold us back and if I look at it from that perspective … tooooo short *sigh*. But I shouldn't be greedy.
Well whatever it will be, I really can't wait for the weekend to come. And for Tuesday to reassure me that everything went well *keeps her fingers crossed*.