Originally Posted by polyexplorer
I am just not a believer in holding things too rigidly. There are always exceptions - albeit sometimes very rare exceptions. These exceptions make me not want to hold things too tightly or rigidly, or to impose this on to others.
The respect and love for others should in my opinion always be held rigidly and absolute.
- I have had sex with A, I am sorry
- I am sorry, but I have to tell you that I would really like to have sex with A
One is a permanent lie, the other is a potential hurt and a chance for honesty. If your partner is not ready for you to have a relationship, in my humble opinion, you shouldn't. In that sense, you either don't, or leave and do.
My partner told me she was polyamorous and loved a common friend of us, knowing that I would throw her out. Thinking back a month, when she told me, I can remember the true fear in her eyes. She knew she was going to lose me, but she had to be honest. She knew there and then that she ended 13 amazing years with me. That's facing up to the consequences and being honest. It's also her being rigid with her personal values. She couldn't NOT tell me, she couldn't NOT be what she is.
So, if you are what you are, tell your partner. If your SO will let you be what you are, you are in for an even stronger relationship. If not, and you truly are what you are, you can't live happily under those constraints. So, don't cheat, be honest.