Wow I hope my husband doesn't read this.
It casts everything in the worst light -- I know I am playing spin doctor quite a lot with my mono husband, and it can be a real struggle to focus on the positives. But I'm not stupid -- I know he isn't thrilled, but is making the best of things.
Maybe what it comes down to is, some mono's can tolerate poly, and some just can't. Maybe the pain is just too much to bear, for some. I feel so terrible reading your pain, D. Thank you for sharing in such an honest way, though, because it keeps things in perspective for me. Sometimes (especially reading this!) I wish I were mono, but for now, I'm living polyamorously, for better or worse.