Originally Posted by rosephase
I really hate to say this because it's pretty unkind, but do you know for sure she is pregnant in the first place? It sounds like (from reading some of your past blog posts) that L has, in the past, wanted more from your relationship then you could give her. It also looked like you guys were breaking up or taking space or becoming friends. I would be worried about someone causing drama to be more connected to you.
It seems strange that she didn't bring it up until she was upset that you had been in town and not seen her.
Has she talked with you about how she managed to get pregnant while on birth control? Or why it took her so long to tell you? Have you been to the doctor with her? Have you seen anything that proves she is pregnant? You said you hadn't been with her for two and a half months before she told you, does the expected due date match up with that?
I know these are horrible questions and you know her better then any of us but something feels strange about this to me. I would be worried that she intentionally got pregnant or is telling you she did to keep you in her life.
All valid concerns and questions. I have seen nothing to prove her condition. I haven't been to the doctor with her yet. She told me that she was 3 months along, which would match up to when we were together, but I have no way of knowing she wasn't sleeping with other people during that time. According to her, no.
How she got pregnant while on birth control? Well, apparently (news to me
), this is the second time its happened while on the pill. She also made numerous assertions that due to medical issues she can't get pregnant anyways, and just takes the pill to be sure. She said she tried for 6 months to get pregnant and failed. I wouldn't have risked it, but she made a compelling argument, which was far more compelling due to the fact that we were naked and horny.
Why it took her so long to tell me? She called me when she found out. Coincidentally, I was headed to LA that night to see friends and have a meeting. It didn't work out to see her, but she didn't tell me what was going on, only that she wanted to see me. I said that it was inconvenient this time around, but that I'd make an effort to see her next time I headed up her way, which I did, being a man of my word. Had she told me on the phone, I would have gone far out of my way to talk to her about it and figure out what to do, immediately.
I'm absolutely worried about someone causing drama to be more connected to me as well, and so is my wife. I really don't know how much I trust her, if at all, at this point, which makes the current situation all the more difficult.
Yes, I do think I am better off without her - I'm also finally over her. I do still feel something for her, but it's like an echo of the past, a frail gossamer apparition wandering the hallways of my heart.
There are other reasons to get an abortion beyond "inconvenience". This is highly inconvenient, but it's also medically inadvisable on her part. (according to her) The Doctors said that the fetus may not even live beyond 6 months due to an orange-sized cyst in her uterus. They advised her to consider abortion. I advised her to take their advice. At first she was resistant because she's not a fan of abortion, and was afraid she'd feel terrible about it. I asked her how much more painful it would be for the fetus if it was miscarried, or born with serious lifelong problems because of the circumstances. How much worse would she feel then? She agreed pretty quickly, and part of me thinks that she just needed someone to tell her that it was ok to do it.
Thanks to everyone for the kind words and support through this, I truly appreciate it; it feels so good to be able to talk to others about this.