Restless Heart snydrome:cause or effect?
If you been here for any length of time you see the same pattern or story. I myself have that exact same story. After a number of years ( ) fill in the blank in my case 15 yrs married 17-18 total .....a spouse says I think I'm poly ...I have these feelings for these other people and I LOVE YOU TO DEATH and that's not going to change but all my needs aren't being me so that's why I want to give this polyamory thing a try.
Well honey what needs are you talking about I'll try to help meet those ....you cant ...otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. Well what am I doing wrong or not doing ....nothing and everything ....its not about you its about me ......What? I need this for me ....I know you feel threatened and confused but love is infinite and my ability love and to have sex with others has no impact on you at all. Wait back up.... did you just say have sex with others? Yes ....of coarse silly what did you think I we were talking about. I don't know....the room is spinning and my ears a ringing....I think I'm going to past out. (first aid break...glass of something)
So what you're saying is you have taken this relationship as far as you think it can go .... the new car smell is gone so its time to start looking for a new one.....well I wouldn't put it like that but yes we are on steady glide path that may lack a certain excitement. So you're saying I'm boring ?.....no ...no you are very interesting just not as much to me anymore.... it could be a growth issue...you should look at this as growth opportunity.
So how does this work ? ....well I thought of putting an ad on one of those on line dating sites. So to get those unspecific needs met your turning to the internet? Well duh.....what could be as exciting and easy all at the same time.
Well lets say you find someone and start dating ....how does that work ...time wise. Well ...we'll have to see. What does that mean? Well everyone's needs must be considered of coarse. If you add a relationship wont time from something else get cut. Not necessarily. .. Wait.... how often would you see this person ...well I did'nt want to mention this to later but it could be person(S)... plural ....and perhaps 1-3 three times a week. What time of day ...nights... I work silly. Isn't that when you and I are together with our kids? Yeah about that...you guys might see me a little less . What am I suppose do while your out fucking some other guy or as I just learned guys. First of all that's very vulgar not necessarily true....this is about love so I prefer to make love or have sex ...second we would be dating ...going to dinners ...movies...concerts, weekend get a ways, etc.... date stuff and that may or may not include passionate love making ..... so you may want to get a hobby or take a class to fill in your time ... or work on your own self development stuff ....which might make you less boring.....that sounded negative how bout it could make you more interesting.
I really don't see the benefit to me and the kids? Well ...A much happier /satisfied me. It simple if I'm happier everyone will be happier. Also I'll most likely feel sexier and that to could spill your way as well ...you lucky bastard. In most cases spouses feel closer after this ...... Can't you see its a win win for everyone. What? .... how does you spending free time having another relationship which includes sex going to make us closer ...less time... less attention ...focus divided... how does that make sense? Wow.. I can see you really need time to reflect and dig into that self growth stuff that we were talking about earlier....In the end I think you'll see that's going to be time well spent. And you may want to talk with a therapist as well ...help sort out your resistance to this...
I could go on but I'm running out of time this morning .....those who have gone down this road feel free to add dialog as it happened in your lives.
The question.... is restless heart syndrome the cause or the effect?
Do people find poly..... out of boredom, or narcissistic ...self entitlement or the idea of self discovery( I've always been this way) that occurs after years of mono relationships.