First issues/learning to do this
Rider was OK when I told him E and I kissed for the first time. He asked if it was exciting to me and I told him it was. He assumed that when we get back from our vacation it wonít take long before E and I sleep together. He requested to be told when that happened (just the 1st time so he can stop thinking about it and anticipating it). I agree that that is fair.
I did tell E that our relationship is separate from mine and Riderís and that he can expect privacy between us with the exception of our rule that if Rider asks me a direct question I will answer honestly. He seemed to find that equitable.
So, Rider and I have been on vacation for a week now and E and I have been apart. Iíve had some emotional ups and downs due to a lack of reliable cell and email communication but Rider has been a good sport and helped me find hotspots so I can check and send e-mail.
The thing is, E was went camping and didnít answer some e-mails for several days. I took it as a bad sign and was really bummed. I asked Joe to stop calling him my boyfriend because I felt like that may have been a leap and that I may have misinterpreted some of Eís statements and what the kissing meant. But within a few days, E answered me back and told me heíd been out of town. His messages were boyfriendish and I was happy again. Now Rider is having a rough time of it. I think my backing off of my expectations and excitement offered him a reprieve from having to think about the impending sex but now he senses that things are getting more serious.
Heís been really great and heís acted in a poly way even though heís feeling mono emotions. BUT today has been rough. He said itís been harder for him because he doesnít have work or anything to occupy his thoughts and displace the thoughts of me having sex with another man.
A few days ago he said that heís not ready for me to go out of town with E. Heís OK with a day trip but not overnight. I get it but that is a real problem for us. Where are we supposed to go? Iíd really like for our first time to not be a quickie in the woods somewhere and hiking into a quiet spot and setting up a tent only to spend several hours in it just for that purpose is weird. Weíll both be sweaty and itís hotter than hot this time of year, no bathroom access, etc.... It sucks not to have a place to go. Camping for a night or two is way better because we can pick a good spot that gives us everything we need (itís not as good as an indoor place but itíd be something weíd both enjoy).
I have two problems, I have a husband who is suffering and I canít seem to help him or comfort him and I have a strong desire to spend at least one night with my new whatever you want to call him. I know E really wants to take me somewhere too so I have that pressure.
Hereís what I think may be the perfect solution. E and I take our RV up to the mountains and have 2 days and 1 night together. Rider and the kids can come up after E leaves and we can all have family time. Iíve gone camping for a few days like that before so it wouldnít raise any red flags with our kids. E and I would have privacy, comfort and facilities. It kind of meets everyone in the middle except that Rider will still be laying awake that night with visions in his head. Ack! I donít know what to do. I want at least one day and one night of uninterrupted time with E AND I want Rider to be OK and not feel excluded or rejected or whatever bad feelings heís feeling. I want to be sensitive to his needs while taking care of mine and Eís. Advise anyone?! (Iím posting this question on the ďNew to PolyamoryĒ board too).
I wish Rider had a good lead on a woman he could pursue. Heís stalled right now and itís bumming him out.
married, heterosexual female currently in a newly opened relationship; married to IDRider47
"Courage is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm" Winston Churchill
"A ship in the harbor is safe. But that's not what ships are made for" William Shedd