Hello and welcome!
So from reading about your situation, it seems you have more or less been cheated on. Which is never a nice feeling. There is no such thing as 'unsuspecting primaries'. She simply chose not to reveal her relationship status to you at the time when the two of you got together.
You say you love her and want her to be happy. Does accepting the situation also make you feel loved and happy?
If she describes her relationship with the couple as very loving, I think it very unlikely that she will be able to keep to her promise of dropping everything when you say the M word. The fact that even the mention distresses her speaks for itself. So that boat has unfortunately sailed and you need to decide if you are okay with that.
As to her job; well, tough shit. She knowingly entered this situation and when the proverbial shit hit the fan, she wasn't ready for it. Well, it's time for her to grow up and deal with dragging you and her OSOs into this.
Is there no way she or you can take a break from whatever it is you are doing during the week and get together to talk things through face-to-face?
And another thought: When you mention you liked the idea of having your freedom too, was it the fact that there was another person/man involved or that their connection was loving and long-term that made you balk?
Me: bi female in my twenties
Last edited by BlackUnicorn; 07-05-2011 at 01:42 PM.