Originally Posted by River
There are differing reasons people choose polyfidelity, and one of them is a very practical health reason: STDs. And that's valid.
And some of us -- myself included -- only engage in sexual relating with persons we open ourselves up with heart-and-soul, so the word "casual" about sex just seems wrong. How could something as obviously radically intimate as sex not involve the hearts and souls of the persons engaging in it?
That said, I think it is entirely possible to have truly wonderful and enriching sexual experiences with persons one is not committed to in a long term relationship. I've had that experience, and it was a LOVING experience, and not just a cheap form of "casual" recreation.
As a bi man, I'm deeply saddened by the extreme level of availability of cheap, insincere, meaningless and heartless "casual" sex in the "gay community," and the very low level of availability of heartfull, soulfull and loving contact. Truly, I think most "casual sex" is the plaything of cowards, and I respect courage -- my own and that of others. Loving requires courage; in this world it does. Sex almost always involves opening some orifice or another to another. I just think the heart should also be opened when this is going on, and that not doing so causes suffering and pain.
Good morning River!
I had plenty of casual sex when I was young. Looking back, I think it was based primarly on hormones and physical attraction. I think I was literally "in heat" due to my testosterone levels at that time. Knowing that, I don't think casual sex is either brave or cowardly, it is just hormonal and what the person needs at the time.
I do agree though that there is bravery in committing to a relationship. I also think poly people must be the bravest of all. They really put a lot on the line for what they believe in. I have a new girlfriend and we just agreed to have an open relationship. This is the first of such I've had in maybe 35 years or so, and fully honest and open from the start. It will be her first, so I hope we can make this a good experience for both of us.
Although this is what I really wanted, I have to admit that I am a little scared too. I am hoping that two or three years down the line we are both happy we made this decision, and decided to take this journey together.