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Old 07-05-2011, 08:58 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Originally Posted by polyexplorer View Post
Do people think there is ever an exception where a new relationship feels like it is the right thing to pursue, but the person also knows their partner is not in a place where they can be told about it and that it would be too damaging at that point to tell?

I know that I am basically asking is there ever a time when cheating is OK(with the intent of being open and honest when a partner is ready to be told)?
I used to do this a lot. Think that the reason I was hiding things from loved ones was that 'they weren't ready to know, I'll thell them when things are more established, they would freak out for no reason etc'. What I only recently realized that what I feared was not them being unable to cope with their reactions but that I wouldn't cope with their reactions. I was projecting my fears onto a loved one.

Originally Posted by polyexplorer View Post
My concern in it all is that often with strong values can lead to rigidity.

I have come from a religious background that espoused strong values. These values could not be questioned.
Mind sharing what those values were?

To me, there is a great difference between values that are dictated by our cultural surroundings, such as value placed on monogamy, heterosexual nuclear families, female nurturance vs. male power and control, money as a sign of personal worth and success, narrowly-defined intelligence as an indicator of personal happiness etc. The list goes on and on. Those values I don't support for a variety of reasons, although they belong to the mainstream and are rarely questioned to any serious degree.

However, there are also values I hold universal. For example, I plan to have a tattoo with all the Samurai virtues in kanji characters, because they are the values I hold universal; rectitude, courage, benevolence, respect, honesty, honor and loyalty. Not 'loyalty to whom', 'benevolence towards whom', 'respect of what'. Those are things that are left to individual and situation-based deliberation. But for me, honesty is a rigid, non-negotiable value because it is universal good I hold central to my existence.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower

Last edited by BlackUnicorn; 07-05-2011 at 09:09 AM.
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