Sheesh, I can't believe it's been a month since I've posted. A lot has happened, and I think it is good!
So, with hubby on the C front. He's still not sure what his feelings are. He did want to explore them a little and we discussed instigating something with C. So, we planned a little evening and invited C over. Hubs went into the bedroom, and I told C that we both thought he needed some lovins and invited him to join us. It didn't go quite as well as planned as C has some issues that have preventing him from getting fully aroused, but he did a bit anyway, and he said he fully enjoyed the experience, and hubs got to explore a little of his bi side as well. I found it quite a turn on myself!
We invited C to come over again the following weekend, and tried again, and it was a little better, but he was still having some issues and getting frustrated. We are both patient with him and realize he has a lot going on in his life right now, so we were a supportive as possible... and again, they got to explore a little more.
Last weekend was my weekend to go see S, with hubs full permission. While I was excited to see him, as it has been several years.. I was uncomfortable about going. I was very worried about hubs the whole time. I decided that I did not like being that far away from home and my family, for the sole purpose of seeing another person romantically. I did enjoy my time there (and we did have sex), but I don't think I'll be going again without my family, unless he comes here. I told S that and he seemed to understand, and he says we are welcome there whenever. Hubs seemed to handle it very well which made me happy. We reconnected when I got home, and shared our experiences.
C came over again on Friday night, and I realized that he's starting to grow on me as well. I was telling hubs about it today, that I have strange feelings for him. Our experiences before were more for hubby than for me... but as time goes on, I realize that C is such a good person, and I enjoy his company, and how much a part of our family he's become. I don't feel a strong attraction to him physically, but I feel an emotional attraction to him, which makes me want to snuggle him, and touch him (hold his hand, give him kisses, snuggles, etc). I don't feel any excitement of NRE, my heart doesn't skip a beat like it does with J (we still talk, and I miss him terribly, but that's on hold for now until he figures out if he actually wants to be with his g/f). It's a more comfortable feeling.. like he belongs here.
Hubby said he hasn't been feeling the "more than friends" feelings for C in a while, but he's still interested in his bi side I think. It makes me feel guilty that I'm starting to really care for C in some way, because he's "hubby's", but at the same time, I don't REALLY understand my feelings here... they are different. Hubby said he didn't understand what I was trying to say either, so I'm not sure if that's bad.. or if it's just as confusing to him as it is to me.
On the hubby front, things seem pretty good! We have as strong a connection as ever.. the sex is good. We have one more appointment with the therapist tomorrow to see if we need to continue. At the last one, hubs thought he was doing pretty well, but she wanted to see us back one last time.. so we'll see!!
Overall, I think we are in a good place. Coming to terms with things.. able to discuss things without meltdowns or arguing. I've found some things that I am not comfortable with, and our communication is still good. I love my hubby!!!!