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Old 07-05-2011, 01:57 AM
polyexplorer polyexplorer is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 70
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Thanks for people's replies so far. Quite emphatic about the whole openness and honesty! And I agree too and have talked about it like this to others. I especially like the thought that we are also entering into a relationship at some level with the other person's SO and so we do have a level of responsibility and trust building towards them...

Just to play devil's advocate for a moment...

Do people think there is ever an exception where a new relationship feels like it is the right thing to pursue, but the person also knows their partner is not in a place where they can be told about it and that it would be too damaging at that point to tell?

I know that I am basically asking is there ever a time when cheating is OK(with the intent of being open and honest when a partner is ready to be told)?

The reality is that in talking with people, this happens alot. I know the inherient values behind polyamory of openness and honesty at all times and I applaud and ascribe to these values. Is life always this clean cut? Many people want to be open and honest about other relationships with their partners, but also know their partners will not cope. So they enter an affair (cheating) which eventually brings things to a head one way or the other.

Has anyone been in this situation and looks back on their affair without regret? Has anyone experienced where an affair has been what's needed (in hindsight) for their original partner to open up and consider polyamory as an option where before they would never have considered it?

Sometimes drastic action brings drastic results... Having strong values is important but I'm not convinced that life is always as clean cut and in neat boxes as we would like...
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