Originally Posted by ClosetPoly
...My main fault ...
Hi ClosetPoly. I'm so glad you posted. Do please find another way other than "fault" to talk about yourself. Maybe "effort." Maybe "confusion." Maybe "discombobulation." Hey, that's a good word; why don't we use it anymore??
You are working hard, doing your best. Give yourself credit for it.
I remember my first whirlwind of emotions around polyamory. It was like being swept along in raging floodwaters beyond my control. I knew it wouldn't last forever. I managed best when I told my logical mind to settle in for the long haul and enjoy the wild ride for the experience that it could give me. And whoa, what a ride it was!
Say, "I'm scared" when you need to.
Say, "I need reassurance."
Say, "I need some time with my buddy, just the two of us."
Say, "All these things are okay, because it takes time."
I encourage you to write in a journal. You can go back to it in a month or six months. It will help. I wrote in a journal during my whirlwind ride these many years ago.
Keep posting here. We're glad you're here.