Originally Posted by nycindie
I don't understand your comment about rebound relationships being confused wanderings. I'm not advocating that anyone avoid getting into a relationship soon after a breakup. I'm saying all relationships teach us lessons, so not to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. That's all.
Nycindie, We're in agreement. We agree that the social norm which says one should wait a year or two before engaging again in a romantic relationship, as to avoid "rebounding," can be more than a little presumptuous. When I said "rebound relationships" are "confused wanderings," I was by no means implying that all relationships which begin very soon after the ending of another relationship are "rebound relationships". It depends on the maturity of the people involved whether it will be so. A "rebound relationship" occurs when person X feels a gaping hole, an unbearable lack, with the absense of a partner, and then attempts to fill that hole of lack (read, avoid the whole painful matter) by using another person to fill the hole.
Another way to move forward would be to add a "W" to "hole" -- creating a "whole". This doesn't require years to do. It can happen in a moment, in a month, in a week, in the blink of an eye....
My new "love interest" is presently separating from her husband. She's grieving the end of the relationship. But she knows she is a whole person, and I am a whole person. We are not lack-centered people. There is no hole to be filled, for either of us. (Keep it with those puns, dearies!) When two whole people come together, even soon after the ending of a relationship, there is no rebounding going on, because there is no hole to be filled, no gaping lack. Instead, there is the joy of wholeness shared!