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Old 07-04-2011, 09:33 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,584

Originally Posted by Silia View Post

He said his biggest problem was the idea of me having long term relationships with other people, about having to share me long term. I understand completely, but at the same time, I can't imagine just being able to say, okay, this has been going on x number of months so has to stop now. I guess, it would be easier to at least at first regulate things by level of commitment.
Of course. He's probably just thinking you'll casually date someone, maybe have sex a few times, then say, "See ya, Charlie," and "come back" to him.

He doesn't get being poly means many loves. Poly doesnt mean having a primary and a then a secondary you just kinda like and can sort of take em and leave em. Poly means being in relationship, committed to more than one. Even if you only see your secondary once a month, there will be ims, texts and phone calls.

And can one really regulate commitment? Feelings are feelings. If your new lover and you feel drawn to each other, you can't just become less interested in them to make your primary comfortable. Things have to follow their natural course. Some people do draw boundaries around texting the secondary a lot when the prmary is right there for couple time tho.

It's important to show lots of love and affection to your primary while experiencing new relationship energy with another.

That said, it sounds like you and your husband have some iffy areas going on in your own relationship right now around sex. Taking you out on a romantic date (foreplay for women, right?), getting you all warmed up and sexy feeling, and then just falling asleep when he gets home... not good.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
Kahlo (my ex, 46)
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