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Old 07-04-2011, 01:21 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,774

Hey, dear sweet Ray, what I posted was just to comment on what's always been drummed into our heads about relationships, especially in monogamy -- because there's such a focus on finding that One True Love, you want to make sure that person is sane and ready for a "serious relationship," not broken and wounded. So, we're always warned against that rebound guy or gal.

But that's just the collective old wives' tale.

It isn't always necessarily true that we should avoid relationships when we're trying to bounce back into life after a breakup.

According to most wisdom, I should've waited one to two years after my husband left me to feel normal again before dating. But when I started going out with guys after just a few months, I really needed the validation and physical intimacy to help me feel like I had a direction in which to head. Otherwise, I thought I would be crumpled in a heap sobbing forever. Sure, sometimes I look back and say, "Oy, how embarrassing, I wasn't ready for what I got myself into," but it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't ready! Sure, we need to be careful getting involved with the ones who are so very wounded, or when we are so very wounded, but if we trust our intuition, we'll be okay!

There's that other old saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." All those rebound relationships can teach us something. Staying out of the game is not just no fun, it closes off possibilities for important lessons we can learn about ourselves. You can't learn about relationships when you're not in one.

So, don't fret! You have been, and continue to be, doing fine!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 07-04-2011 at 01:24 AM.
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