Thread: A blog thing
View Single Post
Old 07-03-2011, 11:47 PM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,946

Originally Posted by Feedhercandy View Post
(I seriously feel I'm sharing too much right now, gawd).
Not at all...without sharing, others can't see the opportunities to lend a hand.

Originally Posted by Feedhercandy View Post
I understand that those who are worth it will wait, but I'm finding it hard to flirt and have fun and get to know people, with the expectation of sex being so imminent and heavily-weighing at every turn. I'm starting to think that with poly, since people know you CAN have sex, they expect that you WILL have sex after the smallest expression of interest. Or am I just misreading this whole thing?
Your story kind of resonates with me. It sounds fairly familiar to some of the tentative steps into non-monogamy that my wife and I took. I really liked the idea of casual sex...and swinging had the expectation of lots of it, fairly easily. And one of the things I discovered about myself was that while I like the idea of wasn't what I actually wanted.

Even in the poly community, I was very driven to find another partner. To make things happen, so that we could continue the journey. This was one of the points where it would have paid to have listened to my wife more, and just let things happen.

I find there are some people in the IRL communities I've been a part of who either have that drive (which I expect you can smell a mile away) or who have the idea that being poly doesn't mean being able to date anyone, but rather it means you should be dating everyone!

For me, I finally found a suitable partner once I had given up looking. I've finally come to the realizations required to put sex in it's proper context for me. Important...but not a requirement. And I've been able to relax and leave a lot of the stress behind. And I've finally been able to redirect my drive and energy into other aspects of my life which probably by now could use some attention. My wife is a smart cookie.

As with any relationship, it just takes some time to find possible partners with compatible views & desires as you do. Be patient, and take the time to get to know people. Eventually you'll meet some who won't exude desperation, or perhaps after the initial settling out period, they'll calm down and enjoy you for you, instead of something they're chasing.

There's no rush that should have you thinking that you need to jump into anything you might regret before you're ready.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
Reply With Quote