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Old 07-03-2011, 09:59 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79
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Hah, yes, I see that contradiction. Thing is, we've had....urrr....3 group settings, and every time has been different, Vanilla is desperately trying to adjust to my flailing, and I know that's a tall order. That is why we are doing it on wednesday, with the main agenda being "order of conduct", where everyone gets to say what they want and need.
When I said 10-15 seconds, my point was not pr hour, or anything like that. I understand that it's unnatural and in a lot of ways painful to "fake" an interest, to try to balance her love and make me feel happy. I have been under the insane assumption (and hope?) that she *wanted* to be supercuddly and tight with both of us, but I never thought of *asking* her if that was what she actually wanted, until...a day or two ago, or today, days are like weeks now.
I just assumed (very dangerous trait I have) that "I want to have a relationship with both of you" meant that she wanted to express her love in the exact same manner. She can not possibly reflect the NRE-intensity to me, I understand that now, after we actually talked about it, so it's now in my hands to describe what I actually want, and what I can handle in a group setting.
I realise that it's not going to gradually change into a lovefest, it's going to change into what our level of every day affection is, possibly a little more. We are more cuddly in every day life though, I certainly have learnt to appreciate her more, and some of the cuddle-NRE spills over, wonderful stuff!

I have always been laidback, happy-go-lucky with things, just assuming things will work out, but I realise that mono-poly relationship is NOT something I can take lightly, and I have to be better at stating my needs, and have actually realistic ones, not ones where she bubbles with NRE for me as well.
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Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake

Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.
-Epicurus
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