Okey, I have been obviously very bad at describing the setup for the situation. :-)
My partner has done, and will do, exactly as I say when it comes to boundaries. I have not said explicitly that I don't want them to kiss and cling when I'm out of the room, I have quite to the contrary said that I want them to act as they want. Now, I realise that I can't handle that, so I told them to dial it back. They are both able to control themselves, but I haven't been good at voicing my opinion. It's only been a month, less than a month actually, and we're all still learning, me more than them. What has worked very well, has been when they've had 1-2 hours alone before the group-thing, to get some steam out.
We will be having a "family meeting" next week, before a big summer-party we're throwing, and I will try to be as honest and open as I possibly can, about what I can handle and not. I don't see us going back to hand-holding and cuddling, but I do see that I need to be more explicit about the clinging.
But again, I'm the one at fault here for being wishy-washy about the boundaries. They are not making out and moaning the second I leave the room, by all means, it's not black and white. What I have learned from this is that I have to listen to what my partner says, when she tells me to SAY WHAT I WANT. :-) My main fault in this is trying to act normal, trying to just let it happen and "force" myself into accepting it. But I have learned that it's not a good way to make this work, so I will be more honest with myself, and set some "rules of conduct" we all can live with. And I intend to make this work. :-)
Thanks for all the input, I'm learning every day, but I want to make it absolutely clear one last time, my partner is not cruel or evil and disrespectful, she is merely trying to understand me and act upon what I say is ok.
Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake
Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.