Originally Posted by Feedhercandy
I'm starting to think that with poly, since people know you CAN have sex, they expect that you WILL have sex after the smallest expression of interest. Or am I just misreading this whole thing?
I kind of feel that way about dating in general, not just poly. But I know what you mean. In poly, almost anyone has potential because you're not looking for THE ONE, and if there are reasons you would normally write someone off as a mono, you can still consider them as a poly because you know that another partner can make up for it or fulfill other needs. The dating pool is much bigger now!
For some reason, at age 51 and being fairly new at dating again after my husband moved out last year, the fact that I can be upfront about sex has, amazingly, been a huge relief for me. No more pretending that that's not what's on our minds. For me, it's kind of like the wallpaper -- we all know it's there, so I can ignore it. I hope that makes sense.
It's like, the fact that sex is already on the table makes it easier for me to talk about other things and get to know someone. And what I also find is that when the topic of sex is broached, talking about it is easier and more matter-of-fact, rather than avoiding the subject as a way to look good and posture myself as a possible candidate. In the old days I didn't want to seem slutty, and talking about sex too soon seemed impolite or like too much assumption was being made. Now, knowing it could
happen (but not that it will
happen for sure) kind of takes away the need for playing games, at least when I compare this time in my life to when I last dated 12 years ago (before I met my husband). Now, if it becomes obvious that the focus of someone's interactions with me is mostly sex, and I think that's all he is after without acknowledging me as a person, then I'm outta there. But I am enjoying the ability to dispense with all the subterfuge and posturing.