Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
My opinion in short - he doesn't want to deal with it at all and seeing how you aren't pinning him down he's quite ok with you being in limbo. Time to be direct, corner him and push the issue. If it means that much to you, you are going to have to risk the possibilities.
You're both avoiding the issue, just in different ways.
Best of luck
I was preparing myself to take your advice, Mono: we were in the car on the way home from my mum's, and I decided I would broach the subject once the little one had been put to bed. But then - shock horror - HE brought it up in the car!
He essentially told me that he hadn't wanted to bring it up without having thought it through properly first. He wanted to silently reflect upon what about polyamory was bothering him the most, so that he could give me concrete answers instead of waffling.
I was proud of him for being so brave as to say that without being prompted. Absolutely pleased as punch
He admitted that the thought of me being with a woman did not stir any jealousy in him at all...it was the relationship
part that his mind kept stuttering over. I asked if he thought that was because an emotional connection with someone is more threatening than sex, and he agreed that was probably it.
I asked him if he was still worried I'd find someone better and leave him, and he admitted he was. I said, "But that's just it - polyamory is about NOT having to choose. If I were to abandon my current partner every time a new partner came along, I would not be polyamorous - I'd be a serial monogamist."
I told him that I was not prepared to let anything seriously threaten our relationship, and that if anything did happen, it would probably be years from now (when we both had the time and energy). He actually paused to spare a thought for my secondary partner, whoever that may be, and wondered how they would cope being "the third". I found this encouraging.
All in all, it was a short conversation, but...baby steps. He brought it up, and I'm so happy, because it shows that at the very least, he's trying.