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Old 07-03-2011, 11:09 AM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79

Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
It's best to work through your issues one at a time. Simple things like letting them give each other a hello/good-bye hug can help immensely! It lets them know you really are trying to overcome these things and it gives you an opportunity to work through it a little bit at a time without overwhelming yourself with emotions.
Search for boundaries, rules and any other word you can come up with. There's lot of advice on here for situations such as yours.
Well, we are quite a bit past that point. I really don't mind seeing them kiss and touch each other. Lacking better descriptions, it's the times when they just melt together in NRE, needing to hold each other and just cling. That is what makes me feel replaced and, in a way, unwanted, and that's what I'm working on, realising the real truth, understanding that she doesn't do this to hurt or replace me, quite the contrary. And no, I can't *have* that, because it doesn't exist between us, but if I get to a point of full acceptance and love, at least there is a chance of her NRE spilling over to me, when she feels totally accepted, simply by her brimming with love for us both...

We've had some good moments, laying on the sofa all together, watching a film and cuddling. And that does help me accept this, it is good training to see his hand on her thigh, and her hand on his etc...
In truth, I think it is just a silly loop of me feeling hurt (this being new, and I'm being insecure), them not wanting to hurt me, they hold back, I feel in the way because I make them hold back and so on and so forth. Obviously there must be a balance involved, otherwise it's not a group-setting, but just their alone-time with me in the way. I do however have problems describing this balance, and I know that frustrates her socks off sometimes. I do think this will be easier in a few months though, when some more of the NRE has been burnt off, and the clingy softwhispering relationshipbuilding hugs are not needed all the time. I just really want her to be happy...

Oh, and an important point, it's not Vanilla's wish to have the triad NOW, that's her far-in-the-future-goal. Very important, she's not pushing for anything, I'm the one dozing out their time, I'm the dating agency here. :-) which in a way really helps too, cause I can set pickup-times I'm comfortable with, and at the same time I can push myself a bit.
Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake

Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.
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