I feel I need to add how this is related to poly.
My hubby and I entered poly through the swinger community. Purely by chance, I may add. I posted on okc, and the first fully awesome couple who messaged me happened to be swinger. I, then we, went to some clubs, observed some cool stuff, but didn't participate. I'm still great friends with that couple, though the dating didn't go anywhere.
Since then, I've met others. All lovely people. All interested in the next step. The next step - or its failure to occur - has been the stopping point. Though the slowness in engaging in sex has been great for my primary relationship, after a while I realized that it wasn't the only reason. (I seriously feel I'm sharing too much right now, gawd).
I understand that those who are worth it will wait, but I'm finding it hard to flirt and have fun and get to know people, with the expectation of sex being so imminent and heavily-weighing at every turn. I'm starting to think that with poly, since people know you CAN have sex, they expect that you WILL have sex after the smallest expression of interest. Or am I just misreading this whole thing?