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Old 07-03-2011, 02:47 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Abstract View Post
She has a BF(they are non-sexual right now) in mind that she would like to have live with us at some point. Her request was that I consider it.

. . . I am mono and I am just better at sharing my space with one partner. I am not so good at sharing it with two : (

What would make it different this time?.......
Well, first of all, a BF is not a commodity to move in or out like a piece of furniture. Not saying you two are looking at it that way, but the wording you used comes across somewhat like that. He has feelings, thoughts, opinions, and might not even want to move in. Does he? I think what would make it different is everyone sitting down together and communicating about what you'd want from the situation. Fo you, I would assume private time with your partner, and private space, is a biggie.

I truly have the sense that you want to make your partner happy, to respect her desire to be poly, and you don't want to be difficult. HOWEVER, maybe she should respect that fact that you are mono and need your space. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you not being able to live with her OSO. If she is insistent upon that, she is perhaps being a bit selfish. You don't have to concede everything that makes you happy just to try and make her happy. She's gonna have to find her happiness within the compromise.

Obviously there are cases, like Mono and Redpepper, where the living situation is shared by a mono and poly, but they took a long time to get there, really thought it through very carefully, and Mono has a separate space in the same house. Read Redpepper's blog to learn about it. There are other situations where the poly partner stays at different places part of the week, and the mono partner has their own space which isn't invaded by the OSO. If living with your partner's OSO has been problematic before, consider that. Really, read Vodkafan's threads for info on a split week between two places.
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