View Single Post
Old 07-02-2011, 06:15 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vegas, Baby!
Posts: 348

Never, in the history of relationships, has this or will this ever be a reasonable or effective way to communicate in a relationship. I might go so far as to say that people posting that "I'm usually good at ____" are enablers, lol.

In my relationships - at least since I grew a brain about these things - my policy is, if you don't tell me and I fail to anticipate or correctly guess, that's not my fault. If you tell me something other than the truth and expect for me to know that what you're saying isn't what you mean - that's YOUR fault. I will ALWAYS act on what I'm told.

Some partners seem to get this better than others, lol. The ones that try to argue after either not telling me something or flat telling me something else get blank stares as a best case, laughed at to their face as a worst, and numerous things in between depending on just how unreasonable they're being about it. I once had almost word for word the following conversation:

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but that's not what you told me."

"You knew what I meant!!"

"No, I knew what you told me."

"But that's not what I meant AND YOU KNEW IT!!"

"I say again, all I knew was what you told me. You were not exactly unclear about it. We had an entire conversation on the subject."

"If you really understood me you would know what I really mean when I say something."

"If you really understood me, we wouldn't be having this conversation, because you'd know better than to say something you didn't mean in the first place."

"So you DID know!"

"No, that's not what I said."

"I know what you meant!"

"Are you serious right now?"

And on and on it goes... Say what you mean, do what you say. A good recipe for living your life in general, a better one for relationships. Is this REALLY all that complicated? Failing to communicate and holding your partner responsible for it is bad enough, but saying something other than what you mean and then holding them responsible for it? SERIOUSLY?

Just for giggles, I'm going to throw out a reversal that I hope won't offend anyone (I'm to to horribly gender stereotype with it for simplicities sake). It seems that women do this thing more often than men. Not that it's ALWAYS the ladies, but it IS more of the female thing to do, lol. So - what would a woman who say, handled dinner making, think of THIS one?

"Babe, I'm really hungry. What do you have in mind for dinner?"

"Well, what would you like for dinner?"

"I'm thinking lasagna. Can you make lasagna?"

"Yeah, it'll take a little while though, are you sure you don't want something faster?"

"I'm good, thanks!"

60 minutes later...

"Baby, you KNEW I was starving and it took you over an hour to make dinner! Is it EVER going to be ready?!"

"You asked for lasagna. I told you it would take a while."

"I said I would LIKE lasagna."

"Yes, and I made it."

"Over an hour later! We could have had pizza in like, 1/3 the time!"

"You said you wanted lasagna and when I said it would take a while you said you were fine!"

"Oh come on. You know what I meant!"

And so on... See how that sucks? Can we all - men and women - agree to NEVER DO THIS AGAIN please?
Reply With Quote