Originally Posted by ClosetPoly
Can anyone recommend any books or "tools" to help me establish a certain security in myself? I really really want to get this to work, I *need* to get this to work, and I need to eventually get this to work in a group setting. I know we're just a month into this, but how do I get rid of that nagging neanderthal pain of "Dude, what's he doing with your girl??", if ever?
Actually Neanderthals/hunter-gatherers were not patriarchal and shared partners. Present day hunter-gatherers still practice this. "Ownership" of ones wife began with patriarchal culture rather recently in human history, with the advent of agriculture and the ensuing economic dependency of women.
I try to replace it with my pure love for my partner, but it still hurts when it happens.
Am I just being insecure or might there be other powers at play?
You're jealous. Do a tag search on jealousy here to read many other peoples' experiences on how to deal.
Speaking of Neanderthals and books, I highly recommend a new and very popular book called Sex at Dawn, about humanity's long history of non-monogamy. We've got a thread on it here if you want to hear some reviews before reading it. The other book most people new to poly get insight from is called Opening Up.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
In a newish relationship with Steve, (34, poly)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years