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Old 07-01-2011, 06:34 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I just posted this over on your blog:
Listen, I know this might sound cold, but women have been aborting pregnancies since ancient times. We have the ability to bring life into this world, and with that also comes the ability to take that life away. Sometimes it is just what needs to be done. Stop thinking of it as a child - not a child yet. You don't have to keep reinforcing how bad you must think she feels about it. Sure, it can be traumatizing, but sometimes it simply is not. I always think people indulge too much into how "horrible" someone must feel when this becomes necessary. I have had two abortions and never felt any remorse about them. The option comes with the territory of being a sexually active woman. L says that abortion is what she is choosing to do, obviously she doesn't want a baby since she talked about adoption, too. There is no need to get bent out of shape about that. The procedure is quick and simple. It is much safer for her, it would seem, than carrying the baby.

However, lesson learned! Now you know that even when a paramour has birth control, you take a huge risk not using a condom. For pregnancy AND disease. It sucks that something like this happens in order to wake you up about it, but stop fretting and look at what needs to be done. Personally, I don't think it would be fair for G. to leave you over this -- it's a risk in poly, and non-monogamy. Just try to keep emotions out of it and deal with the reality: You stupidly didn't use protection. L got preggers, and will abort the pregnancy. I say, help arrange and pay for that right away! Be there for her as much as you can, and then resolve to use protection from now on. Get tests for all the possible diseases, and move on.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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