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Old 07-01-2011, 11:48 AM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Leeds, UK
Posts: 806

Originally Posted by dragonflysky View Post
Cherry is hurt about someone you USED to love? I don't think this bodes well for eventual acceptance on her part of your interest in polyamory. If she can't handle past relationships without getting bent out of would she ever handle a current relationship with someone else?? I wouldn't want to face this issue (jealousy or hurt over a past love) going into a MONO relationship much less a poly relationship!!

I don't know how you express yourself in-person, Somegeezer, but I think you communicate quite well in this forum. Just remember to take good care of yourself and YOUR needs, too!
I'm beginning to think she was just having a bad day and had to find something to take it out on, but I certainly don't want to put up with it myself if things like this pop up often enough.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I don't understand how your past love hurts her. Does she think you lived in a bubble before meeting her?

I agree that this does not bode well for the future if she has such an immature view (but I think you are a very mature person for your age!) and is so possessive that you can't have a past. The problem is not how you communicate, I am sure; it is how she listens (or refuses to listen).

She's a member here - maybe she can post about her issues with it?
Funny, because she often tells me that I don't listen. But I have felt it was her not understanding what I was trying to say instead. As dragonfly said, I don't seem to be all that bad at expressing myself here, but maybe my writing it just a lot more coherent than my speech.

Would you think writing down what I want to say would help her understand if it's really the case?

I think she would prefer I lived in a bubble before her, but she has to accept that it isn't reality. She has had her own past too. I'm sure both of ours have been different, but I don't feel like I should worry about what has already happened. I just make the best of what I have now.

She doesn't really feel comfortable with this site, or with polyamory in general. But if she gets jealous over the people I used to love, I can't see her ever accepting those I love now. Or the fact that I love other people. I'm just not sure how I could communicate it to her in a way she understands. I don't want her being upset over it. Not just because I don't like upsetting people, but because it is something she really needs to accept.
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