Originally Posted by dragonflysky
Cherry is hurt about someone you USED to love? I don't think this bodes well for eventual acceptance on her part of your interest in polyamory. If she can't handle past relationships without getting bent out of shape....how would she ever handle a current relationship with someone else??
I wouldn't want to face this issue (jealousy or hurt over a past love) going into a MONO relationship much less a poly relationship!!
I don't know how you express yourself in-person, Somegeezer, but I think you communicate quite well in this forum. Just remember to take good care of yourself and YOUR needs, too!
I'm beginning to think she was just having a bad day and had to find something to take it out on, but I certainly don't want to put up with it myself if things like this pop up often enough.
Originally Posted by nycindie
I don't understand how your past love hurts her. Does she think you lived in a bubble before meeting her?
I agree that this does not bode well for the future if she has such an immature view (but I think you are a very mature person for your age!) and is so possessive that you can't have a past. The problem is not how you communicate, I am sure; it is how she listens (or refuses to listen).
She's a member here - maybe she can post about her issues with it?
Funny, because she often tells me that I don't listen. But I have felt it was her not understanding what I was trying to say instead. As dragonfly said, I don't seem to be all that bad at expressing myself here, but maybe my writing it just a lot more coherent than my speech.
Would you think writing down what I want to say would help her understand if it's really the case?
I think she would prefer I lived in a bubble before her, but she has to accept that it isn't reality. She has had her own past too. I'm sure both of ours have been different, but I don't feel like I should worry about what has already happened. I just make the best of what I have now.
She doesn't really feel comfortable with this site, or with polyamory in general. But if she gets jealous over the people I used to love, I can't see her ever accepting those I love now. Or the fact that I love other people. I'm just not sure how I could communicate it to her in a way she understands. I don't want her being upset over it. Not just because I don't like upsetting people, but because it is something she really needs to accept.