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Old 06-30-2011, 09:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post
I would say if you and your partner are really soul-mates, he will appreciate your interests because they're yours and you will appreciate his femininity because it's his. Your love for each other will lead you to look at strange things from the perspective of your partner and see them in a new light. When you're not able to do this, it could mean you're out of love.
I call bullshit. First, "soulmate" is a concept and doesn't really mean anything to anyone unless they subscribe to that notion that they exist.

Second, (and the most important part of my response) is that people naturally have societal conditioning, inhibitions, insecurities, all kinds of belief systems, and just plain old preferences. Just because someone is not comfortable with a partner's fetish does not mean they no longer love them. Saying that sounds like an attack, actually, and is uncalled for.

One of the good things about poly is that we can indulge in the fetishes and desires of our partners... or not! AND know and appreciate that someone else can give the ones we love something we cannot. This doesn't necessarily mean we shouldn't challenge our own belief systems, push our own boundaries and limits, make an effort to see if we can try it out some new "weird" practices, live with our partners' proclivities which do not mesh with our own, or surrender to it as an adventure or game, as my previous answer suggested. With love and patience, almost anything is possible. But to imply that love could be lost if the OP doesn't get onboard, is simply ridiculous and mean-spirited -- especially when said to someone who is struggling and admittedly scared of how this development might affect the relationship.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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