I'm glad, because reading that did make me feel pretty lousy.
There are also two other complications to the whole situation though.
1. Our sex life is not amazing. It's partially because of me, I'm on meds that kind of kill my ability to enjoy it right and I have long stretches with no libido, but he sees it all as his fault. I try to reassure him that it isn't, that I consider him way more important then amazing sex or whatever, and that i am pretty sure a lot of the problem is on my end anyways, but this seems to do varying degrees of not helping and making him feel worse. I'm scared that if I tell him I might be poly he's going to think it's because of the sex problems and feel even worse.
2. Before I tell him, I'd like to talk the whole thing over with someone I know (not that you're advice hasn't been really helpful, that's a huge part of the reason I'm resolved to tell him in the first place). Unfortunately the only two poly people I know are a girl from college I haven't really talked to in over a year and the guy I like. Honestly, he's the better choice because he's actually in a really loving, poly relationship and it was him explaining to me about him and his girlfriend that made me really start thinking about it. We were pretty drunk when we had this conversation (me him and another girl we were on a trip with), and I mentioned that I thought I might be poly and he offered to try to explain it better when sober, but I'm worried that if I tell him all about the situation he'll put two and two together. I don't know if I really want him to know I like him right now. I mean, in a perfect world he'd like me too and my boyfriend would be okay with the whole poly thing and maybe we could consider trying something, but someone find me a perfect world and I'll go streaking in my very genteel neighborhood. It's more likely that a. he won't feel the same and will feel really awkward about us hanging out, which regardless I like to do anyways because I also just like him as a person or b. he'll feel a bit the same but my boyfriend will be crazy crazy against it and things will be even worse because I'd know that if it weren't for that there could actually be a chance, and queue guilt and frustration, or any number of c's, d's or e's.
So yeah...I guess I just want to get through this things without killing my relationship or friendships...
Thanks for all your help so far, you've been really great.
Last edited by Silia; 06-30-2011 at 07:43 AM.