View Single Post
Old 06-30-2011, 03:34 AM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 164

Originally Posted by Chimera View Post
No, I'm not saying what you are. I find your argument to be biologically determinist. Culture always enters in to the equation and it's contextual. It determines how we understand any instincts we may have (which may be different person to person), how we code them in terms of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. How that it looks and is understood varies greatly around the world.
I don't believe in determinism, biological, cultural, or otherwise. Everything always happens due to interacting factors. Nevertheless, culture is diverse because there are many different ways of pursuing the same basic goals, many having to do with bodily issues. E.g. all humans have libido and aesthetics of attraction as far as I know, though there are many different cultural approaches to expressing, controlling, and rationalizing relationships and behavior. Do I pass the quiz?

Gift of monogamous devotion? Why think of relationships as gifts and "things" that we give and take away? They are processes that we enter into as agents, not victims. I cannot understand someone with mono desires, but that doesn't make me think that they're repressed or being used.
I appreciate your sensitivity to language and metaphors. My point was that the positive side of monogamy is giving someone a monopoly over you where they never have to compete for your attention or affection, in theory at least. You may find this a good or bad thing, but when someone tells you they will love you and only you unconditionally, it's very powerful - and often a lie unfortunately.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Making them?... hmmm. Share you?... hmmm.

Well, people are not property to be shared. They have free will. And everyone in the relationship(s) has a choice. The concept of making anyone tolerate something they didn't want doesn't sound very loving.
Well, maybe I'm looking at it in a possessive way but it seems to me that if you tell someone that you can't be there for them tonight because you have a date with someone else, you are making them share you in a sense. Sorry for the pushy-sounding language. I guess I could use more neutral language and say that you would make yourself unavailable for them sometimes. I'm sorry but I think the basic issues I was asking about are getting ignored in favor of criticizing my word choices. I think people know what I mean despite using unpopular language.
Reply With Quote