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Old 06-29-2011, 11:09 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I totally understand when you say you "still don't really know what is or isn't sexually appealing about" seeing your husband with a guy. I think most women in Western society are taught to view male-on-male sex as something... undesirable. I remember when I was in my 20s, my sister told me she was turned on by gay porn and I just found that appalling! Still, a quarter-century later, I am not usually attracted to bisexual men and I don't even really know why. If it is someone I am physically attracted to, if I find out he is bi, some kind of switch goes off inside me and I am automatically not attracted anymore. When that happens, I really have no idea why not. I'm not a homophobe, I just don't find it a turn-on. If it was someone I was in relationship with, I would also need some time to process such a shift in viewing our sex life and, basically, us. But I wouldn't advise listening to your gay male friends about it, LOL.

I applaud you for making the effort not to invest in that "coulda shoulda woulda" line of thinking. The past is gone and today is a different day. Focus on this man you love and be as honest as you can in communicating what's going on without dredging up the past. With love and patience, you will be able to come to a deeper understanding of each other's needs, wants, and desires and be able to make a compromise that satisfies both of you. I am sure of it. The outcome may be radically different from what you ever imagined for yourself or your relationship, but life is meant to be an adventure, isn't it?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 06-30-2011 at 01:12 AM.
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