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Old 06-29-2011, 09:21 PM
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Catalyst Catalyst is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 18
Default Cat's Story - long version - part one

So . . . I'm Cat. I'm 34, female, in a LTR with a 32 yo man, C, who we think may be hard wired mono - this is the current situation.

How I came to be here . . . hm, this may take several posts, and may be a bumpy ride.

I was born in California in a suburb of San Jose. I have memories starting when I was about 1. We lived in a duplex next to my grandparents, so life was pretty good. The single mom right up the road had a son, T, who was a few years older than me – I adored him, worshipped him, loved him. He was a brother, kindred soul, teacher, and first love all rolled into one. We saw each other every day.

Then one day my parents moved me to Colorado for my dad’s job - I was heartbroken. I cried for days. I begged to stay behind with my grandparents. I felt like I was losing a piece of myself. I felt like a piece was being ripped out of me. Mom told me I would make new friends. Somehow, I knew even at four years old that this was something more than just ‘friendship’.

So, Colorado came – I did make new friends – that were more than friends, much to the chagrin of my parents.

I had a stay at home mom – a blessing in some ways, and damaging to our relationship in others. She was able to forge friendships with the mothers of my friends, so I had play dates regularly. And the term dating took on its regular meaning for me when I was five or six and had no idea the connotations of this on a worldly level.

I had six regular BF’s – S, J, M, A, J1 and Z. I don’t know if any of us really understood the level of banter between us – there were arguments about who would get to sit next to me at kitchen tables, who would get to play my ‘husband’ when we played house, who would be my rescuer when we played war games. There was obviously some kind of competition going on between them, but I loved them all and spent time with them each whenever I could – whether together or separately.

Of course, this led to the obvious curiosity about the differences between boys and girls. I got caught, more than once, playing ‘doctor’ with some of my friends. We got lectured, got the talk about how little boys and little girls are different, and were basically told to keep our clothes on.

This is where I feel the societal brainwashing began – not only was exploring the human body “dirty” (not sex, mind you, we were not equipped for that at that age) but exploring it with more than one person was plainly “wrong” or at the very least deeply misguided in some way, shape or form.

Unbeknownst to me, or anyone, trying to fit into that "should be, must be, need to be because everyone else is and society says this is how it is" mold would cause much sorrow and heartache to many over the course of the rest of my life.

More later.

"If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?" Ru Paul

Last edited by Catalyst; 06-29-2011 at 09:25 PM.
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