Originally Posted by serialmonogamist
But realistically, how much of monogamy is about protecting your partner and nurturing their ego by avoiding saying things that have the potential to make them feel insecure? [...] The song lyric comes to mind, "tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies." It is wrong but when people adopt this culture of maintaining facades that protect others' feelings, it can feel very scary to elevate honesty above someone else's feelings. It can feel like honesty is selfish instead of liberating for everyone involved. Ultimately, if your partner was truly strong, they could handle any truth you confronted them with but when the reality is that people shun each other for honesty, it becomes a hard choice to open up and risk losing the person you love and potentially not being able to find anyone else who will accept you in your openness. Ideally the truth will set you free in the end, but what trials might you have to go through to reach that freedom? Liberation is not easy and freedom isn't free (to quote a cliche')
You are very correct. People get this stupid notion in mind that they need to censor themselves in order to avoid hurting their partners. Over time, one lie of omission builds upon another, and you find yourselves surprisingly far apart over the course of the years.
Telling the truth is very hard and scary at first, but it brings you CLOSER. You need those little course corrections over time, to keep yourselves from drifting apart. The trick is in learning how to talk about difficult subjects without being accusatory. "I" language and non-violent communication are the typical techniques.