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Old 06-29-2011, 05:00 PM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Personally, I don't think of monogamy or polyamory as something that a person is, like a sexual orientation. To me, it's nothing more than a system of relating. I don't think people are mono or poly, I just think people are people who make choices about how they want to live based on their experiences and/or belief systems. For now, I want polyamorous relationships in my life. I can foresee living polyamorously for approximately the next five years or so. After that, I don't know what I'll want. I could definitely get on board with monogamy again -- but I'm not choosing to do that yet. As far as cheating goes, I choose not to, so it's a no-brainer; I just don't, and it's not a temptation.
Well put. Labels that essentialize people are misleading.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chimera View Post
This is why I think the assertion above by serialmonogamiest that we're all human and our bodies work the same is just not true (including all the resaons already listed by Tonberry). As a species, we aren't slaves to instinct.
You say you disagree with me but you're saying what I'm saying when you describe humans in terms of species behavior. The point is that we all have basically the same instincts and we all have the ability to resist them to varying degrees. We also have the ability to deny feelings and thoughts but that doesn't make them go away. I think when people deny that they have the capacity to love multiple people or that they experience lust beyond their monogamous partner, it is to provide emotional security to that partner. Somehow it is hurtful to saddle your (monogamous) partner with the information that you felt attracted to someone else or that you could have a relationship with someone else and still love them.

It would get very confusing for many monogamous people, I think, if they had to think about what it means to love someone enough to allow them to love other people as well. Doesn't it also confuse polyamorous people to know how to balance loving someone with making them share you? I would feel guilty being in a relationship with a devoted monogamous partner and having them tell me they love me enough to let me see other people while waiting patiently and not seeing anyone else themselves. Nevertheless I don't think anyone is truly incapable of polyamory. I just think they avoid acting on it because they figure the benefits of it wouldn't be worth the costs. But how can you accept the gift of monogamous devotion from someone else without loving them enough to want to return it? (sorry if that question sounds emotionally blackmailing. it's not meant that way - just something I've thought about)
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