I am still reading. Last couple of days have been really rough. Knives and all things dangerous have been at the forefront of my head. I was torn between trying to go back to the happy uncomplicated life I had before I fell head over heels for my gf. My husband keeps me alive through this. It is so fucking hard. I asked him to help me love myself again. I forgot how. It is strange to be bathed in the love I am bathed in and still have so much contempt for yourself. It is strange to know what love is in the brain and how it came to be and still ache for that time where you believed in soul mates. I miss feeling like my world was right side up.