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Old 10-14-2009, 11:23 AM
esedkudiln esedkudiln is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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Hello again. Let's not go into a discussion on the semantics of poly vs open relationship, but I don't like the suggestion I cherry-picked wikipedia definitions to fit my ideas of what poly is. In fact I don't have particularly dogmatic ideas about it, while some of you do, or so it seems. So who am I to deny you those ideas? I was just hoping for a welcoming forum to exchange thoughts and ideas.

To those who did respond to the actual question, many thanks! Yes, communication. Definitely. And thinking of what she feels rather than what I feel. Hmm. It's a bit of a no-brainer but it's a good reminder. I will certainly not push the issue (and perhaps it's not that big an issue for her to start with), but whatever happens, I will listen and my love for her won't change.

Just to clarify, she explicitly said she wasn't drunk but had had two glasses of wine and a mojito, which lowered her inhibition levels. She knew what she was doing, it was not date-rape, and they used protection. I don't have any indication that she resents what happened or the other guy. But perhaps she resents the fact she hasn't been true to herself and her stated intention.

And of course, if this is the only one-night stand she will ever have in our relationship, then it has nothing to do with being poly. But the reason I thought this forum would be a good place to ask these questions is that I've been hoping she'd open up towards the possibility of seeing others. That's also why I wondered if this was an issue of broken trust, an opportunity or both. But I agree that this reflects of course my feelings, not hers.

By the way, what exactly "seeing others" means is something we'd have to explore together, but I know (from experience) that I won't be comfortable in a situation where I'm not the primary partner (call me selfish, insecure, whatever). My reading of polyamory is that full equality is not required for situations to be described as polyamorous, but then, some might differ.

Sorry to end with semantics again...

Last edited by esedkudiln; 10-14-2009 at 11:25 AM.
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